Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Decisions, decisions...

I recently applied to a masters degree program in creative writing and was happy this morning to learn that I've been accepted, but I'm still not sure this is something I want to do.

I wish it was something I'd already done. Twenty years ago. Or even ten! Not that I think I'm too old for it, it's more like I'm too tired. I'm not sure I have the energy for it.

The thing is, it's not suppose to be like this. By now - by this point in my life - you'd think I might finally be able to relax a little. By now I should be settled into a comfortable routine. Maybe even a little bored.

You'd expect, at my age, that I'd be done becoming whoever it is I was going to be.

It seems like I've spent most of my life working toward some thing. A better day. A truer self. A fulfilling occupation. And this work has been exhausting. I'd so like to finally breathe easy.

And then there's the issue of confidence.

Not to mention the money.

And time.

What to do? What to do?

7 comments:

Sue said...

I say GO FOR IT!! :) I hear you though...I feel like I just got done with undergrad and I already have to go back to school??

Blog Princess G said...

Well I think the first thing to do is celebrate! Woo hoo! Well done, I'm mightily impressed. And looking forward to seeing what transpires!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations, dear Hilary! I'm proud of you...proud that you applied and proud you've been accepted!

One learns all through a lifetime that the "becoming" continues on and on cancelling out "routine" while making life's big and little discoveries all the more exciting and interesting.

Anonymous said...

Proud of you that you applied...proud of your acceptance!
Your talent and enthusiasms will complement the hard work. I've found throughout this long lifetime that "the becoming" never ends...utterly fascinating, challenging, full of curiosity to try new things and see where it leads you...And all along the way nothing seems "routine"...

Anonymous said...

Money? Time? pshaw. You can't take it with you why not try it out at least?

maggie's garden said...

I say breathe easy and write. Do what you love, and in doing that, you will love yourself more and the whole confidence thing will melt away. Time is more precious than money. I say do what you love.

Anonymous said...

Of course you have to go back to school - you'll love it so much and it will be fabulous!!
also LOVE the towel - I recently bought a tea towel - they are doing reproductions of the states -has a similar look alas is only a reproduction of such a great look
L.H.